I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bring me that man meat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
