I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
