I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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