508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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