mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
