when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
