You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
