So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
