I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
