Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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