i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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