I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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