so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize