Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
