Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
