the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
