Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
