And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
