Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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