im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
