god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
