sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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