Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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