I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
