dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
