I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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