I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wannas sexs uuuuu
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
