i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
