i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
