onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
why is half of my head shaved?
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