I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
