Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You need Xanax blowdarts
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
