what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
