I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
