1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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