I look better un-naked...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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