I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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