Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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