I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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