I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
