I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
