so that wasnt chicken after all
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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