i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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