He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
