better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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