I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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