I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
