she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
