I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
