Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
not ubering you a puppy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
