if you like me you must not know who I am
Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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