Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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