you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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