Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
