I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
