I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
