I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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