I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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