yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize