I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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